


by my side

by Phaenna



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: A little bit of everything, F/M, unrelated drabbles, warnings before each chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-06-24 10:34:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15628839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phaenna/pseuds/Phaenna
Summary: there is no universe where Abby and Marcus don't belong together. —collection of drabbles.





	1. Eligius (I)

**ELIGIUS MOTHERSHIP, circa 2156**.

* * *

 

He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive. Those are the only words Abby is able to repeat on her mind, slumping on a chair next to Marcus’ cot and listening to Niylah run some tests on the patients around them. So many people to save, but her focus is solely on this one man. Despite however she might think about failing people as a doctor, she also knows that she is currently in no state to try and fix (and potentially screw up) any more patients.

Detox is still a bitch though, not even a full week has gone by, and Abby can't wait to get a proper shower and sleep as long as possible. But not yet. Marcus’ heartbeat is weak, and while she can hear it clearly on the machine right next to her, the steady beeping does nothing to ease her worries.

And the worst thing is there’s nothing else to do but wait. His body needs time to heal: he’s lost too much blood, and being operated on with such conditions at the village didn’t do him any good. _My fault,_ she thinks. But then his last words come back to her and a heart-wrenching sob builds up from the depths of her soul. She can almost imagine him speaking to her now, thanking her for saving his life, quick to reassure her her only fault is keeping him alive under whatever circumstances. Abby's proud of herself, yes. But she also needs him by her side and even if he technically is, he couldn’t be farther away.

The next few hours are a blur. Cryo, hythylodium, mining missions and radiation are discussed all around her, but her tired mind is not even trying to catch up. She’s so exhausted… But then comes Clarke’s whispered words and strong hands rubbing her shoulders, and she's quick to agree. Even if the doctor in her is slightly wary of putting their bodies through _that_ without her researching more about it first, she cannot stop laughing the minute a thought pops into her head.

“Are you okay, Mom?”

She must seem hysterical. She can't blame her daughter if she thinks she is.

“Yes,” Abby lies. “It’s just that napping for ten years sounds amazing right now.” And after the hell they've all been through the past eight years, there’s no one daring to contradict her now.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really needed an excuse to post all these drabbles, and what's best than doing it over hiatus. Once again, this wasn't proofread by anyone but me, and considering English is not my native language, this is most likely a complete grammar disaster. Thanks for reading!


	2. Camp Jaha (I)

**CAMP JAHA, December 2149.**

* * *

 

She looks at them from afar. She's beautiful, Abby thinks. Dark skin absolutely glowing under the sun, strong hands wrapping around his forearm, smiling at some joke he's telling. Or, well, it's not  _ quite _ like that, but she's not above imagining the future situation that's going to be real one day.

In reality, Indra is not getting closer than a meter away from Marcus, jaw tightly set on her typical scowl. To his credit, he was indeed trying to make her laugh, and it was beautiful. Uh, the situation. Of course.

Never once in a million years would Abby have predicted this change in Marcus Kane. Even as a child, he was aloof and distant, a smile hard to get from him, a genuine laugh practically impossible. But here he is now, joking exclusively to try and cheer someone else up, and Abby thinks if he manages that with Indra, she'll have to gift him that bottle of scotch a patient gave her a few weeks ago. She hasn't drunk since the Ark, and she's not about to drink a single drop of alcohol unless she's with someone else. And who's better for that than Marcus?

But for now, Abby's focus is just watching him. And Indra, a little voice inside her head adds, and she sighs. From the little window of the war room, she can see the scene unfold as clear as possible. They're exchanging something, that's her guess, and if she were closer she would've seen the tiny movement of Indra's lips, a micro upwards turn that could've passed for a smile. It's enough for Marcus, it seems, because he smiles even brighter and steps forward to hug her. To everyone's utmost surprise, Indra hugs him back... If you can even call that a hug. But Abby's happy. Even if Indra doesn't really care for her at all, she trusts Marcus and that's enough to maintain the peace between Trikru and them.

Still, that doesn't mean she, as  _ Abby _ and not just the Chancellor, is okay with it. She's not stupid, she is a grown woman who knows her own mind and heart enough not to lie to herself about this: it's definitely jealousy. But why ponder about it now when she can hide it in the deepest drawers of her brain and keep it locked up there for as long as she can manage? It won't be that hard, especially when they all have more important things to be dealing with. Clarke's gone, and Abby is tired and lonely. That's all there can be right now. 

Maybe if she didn't spend half of her days alone in her office or with either Marcus or Jackson... Maybe…

Abby is in  _ desperate _ need of a friend. And a drink. And if she can't have Marcus right now… Well, it's not like she doesn't have any alternatives. 

She puts her boots on, mindful of the tiny layer of snow outside the station, and walks outside the office, the sun just beginning to set in the horizon. Gina's offer of a glass of whatever thing they've managed to concoct now must still stand, right? 


	3. The Bunker (I)

**THE SECOND DAWN BUNKER** —  **March 2152** .

* * *

 

It's hard to keep up, sometimes. All those people to tend to, all the apprentices she's taking under her wing... She feels like she's not enough. The headaches are getting worse, and as much as she takes painkillers, they only seem to be happen often and worse than ever. But at least the meds help, and that's all she can do to function and be of use inside the bunker. She doesn't want to risk Octavia taking it out with Marcus... Again. Especially since she seems to have taken Kara as her new advisor. 

"You shouldn't worry that much," he always says to her, but it's not that easy and she says so, a scowl in her face while she goes through some documents on her tablet. 

"I'm working half time and I can't even keep up, Marcus. I'm just making Jackson tire out and if we don't teach those people as best as we can, then things could get dangerous in a couple of years. We still have four left down here... If the kids manage to take us out on time."

"Hey, hey," he says, hand rubbing her shoulder from where he's sitting behind her on the bed. "At least the headaches are getting better. Remember how you couldn't even get out of bed right after the ice bath? You're going to be back to normal in no time, love, trust me. It's gonna be okay."

From her peripheral vision she can see his smile, but cannot share it. Cannot even give him an answer. The headaches are not getting better by any means,  _ she  _ isn’t getting better. The only way she had of getting out of bed those first days were asking Jackson for the strongest drugs they had in that bunker, even if she has to admit that was partially so Marcus would stop going to Medical every day to check on her when it was the last thing she needed. 

Yet Abby doesn’t have the heart to tell him that now. She's not going to show him the entire bottle of pills she sneaked out of Medical and has been carrying inside her pocket ever since Jackson first found them in her backpack. And even if she's certain Marcus suspects something is off, she wouldn't know how to explain it. She isn't sure she even knows what she's doing herself.

But it's the only way she has to continue being a good doctor, the one everyone in that bunker needs. Jackson can't do everything alone, and if dividing the tasks between the two of them is hard, she's not about to leave him alone to shoulder the responsibility. This is the only way there is, no alternative possible. After all, the only important thing is the survival of the human race, and if her being pulled to Hell is a consequence, then so be it. Time will tell if they can indeed get their humanity back upon seeing the sun again.


	4. Polis (I)

**POLIS MARKET** — **February 2150**.

* * *

 

  
Abby never thought she would live to see the day when Marcus Kane’s smile would be the thing making everything around him shine. But they’re here now, in a Polis’ market, full of life and color and joy all around them. And everything is so Marcus-like that Abby can’t stop herself from smiling fondly at him, not caring if there's anyone watching or what would they think. Her heart is as full as it can be, considering she hasn't seen her daughter in months.

His eyes find hers in the middle of the crowd, and she didn't think it possible but he seems to smile even brighter, this time directly at her. Abby’s heart skip a beat, then it continues beating faster than before. This man…

  
“Try to keep up, Abby,” he says, a hint of amusement in his tone, over the sounds of dozens of people happily chatting around them, buying and selling and laughing with friends. But then he sobers up. “You can get lost in the middle of the crowd,” he goes on, walking towards her, his voice a little lower, “and we still can't be sure we’re a hundred percent safe.”

  
He's making a valid point, even if Abby can’t help but think he’s worrying too much about everything, about her. So she keeps close, but not close enough that she can’t watch from afar the way his eyes light up when kids run around him showing him their toys, getting excited for such normal little things that her heart feels like it's breaking the more she watches. Of all the things he could’ve had back in the Ark…

  
Oblivious to her thoughts, Marcus looks for her again. He finds her immediately, leaning against a wall and watching him with a glazed stare. He can only shake his head and stride to where she’s standing. There's nothing to be said, she knows what his words would be, so instead of repeating himself again he grabs her tiny hand to hold her in his, a little unsure at first, looking closely for her reaction. Only when Abby smiles and lets herself be guided among the people, Marcus relaxes. He’s worried she isn’t enjoying all these new things around her, probably thinking about her daughter or whatever danger is looming over them now.

  
But he cannot be more wrong.

  
She still worries about her daughter, the one she’ll see in a few hours after months without her. And she still worries about the safety of her people. But the thing he’s mostly wrong about, is that she isn’t enjoying the view.

  
The truth is, while he can’t help to stop every two seconds to appreciate every piece and detail of this new culture in front of his eyes, Abby can’t take her own from the man in front of her. She has known Marcus for the last twenty-five years, knows almost every little detail of who he is by now. But this man, a full beard and amazed eyes, tanned skin almost glowing under the sun, taking her by the hand like a child during Unity Day… This man is someone she thought was dead, lost forever to the sky and cold, dark metal, and a best friend floating among the stars…

  
This man is someone she had missed, and she's just now getting him back.

 


	5. Modern AU (I)

**ARKADIA CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL**

* * *

 

"You're snoring." She says it out loud even when she knows Marcus won't listen. Abby doesn't really have the heart to wake him up, not after everything that had  happened with his daughter in the last few hours, Octavia still hooked up to a ton of machines in the same bed he's pillowing his head on. The girl hasn't awoken yet, a cocktail of painkillers still running through her system, but they're holding hands and it's the cutest sight Abby's seen in awhile.

Yet he keeps snoring.

She also knows Marcus has no chances of waking up the kid, but he's slightly annoying her now, and while she could always leave and have a proper night of sleep at home, she cannot fathom doing it and staying away when she —they— could need her. And by God, she doesn't know where this is coming from but it's been on the making for quite a while, and she's only just understanding why she feels the way she does.

In a hospital room, with a man she had fucked once during their college years, and found again twenty years later, three kids and two failed marriages between the both. This wasn't supposed to feel like this. Finding him again just a few weeks ago wasn't something she had ever thought of, but when she finally did, nostalgia kicked in and those angry rants from their late teenage years have turned into an amazingly good connection that sparks. She  could’ve never predicted things would go this way, especially not with Marcus Kane, but they’re here now and… 

God help her, she's falling and she's falling  _ fast _ .

He mumbles something unintelligible at that moment, and Abby has to smile. He's cute, even if he'd never allow her to actually tell him that. His hand entwined carefully with that of his daughter, head pillowed on the hospital bed, mindful of the tubes and cables and machines all around him. And even if there's some tight lines on his face, a clear result of age and stress and everything that had happened during the last 24 hours, he's beautiful. And damn, Abby, this is not the place nor the time.

_ When Octavia is finally healthy again, _ she thinks. When this nightmare eventually ends and they're back to their usual coffee dates and arguing over old classes, when...

"Abby."

She looks up, startled. Confusion gives immediate way to realization, and Abby can't help the smile blooming on her face the moment she notices he's not calling her, he's just... Dreaming. Still fast asleep, with a smile on his own face and calling her name.

And oh, yes, she’s gonna hit the ground now, and getting hurt would terrify her if she weren’t more worried about having to walk away. But despite her fears and the heart thumping in her chest with every breath he takes, she really can't wait for them all to be out of the hospital as soon as they can. This is definitely a new beginning, and Abby truly wants that particular story to tell.


	6. Ark (I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ **TRIGGER WARNING** : alcohol use, self harm.] 
> 
> If you're struggling with that, and aren't sure you can handle it, please don't read it. Stay safe.

**ALPHA STATION** — **October 2148**.

* * *

 

It starts like this, it always does. Empty quarters, lights off, a bottle of whatever type of moonshine she'd get from a thankful patient with some disregard for the law. Drinking the night Jake had been floated wasn’t the best decision she had ever made: it wasn’t that first time, nor had it been the dozens of others that came after that day. Despite feeling that her heart would just give up at any point now, Abby had to keep fighting, she owed Clarke as much. She was utterly drained, the clock ticking above her head counting both minutes and the amount of people that would be dead if they didn’t find a solution soon.

She remembers little from that period of time, but no one will be able to take out of her mind the memories of what happened that first night alone. No Jake, gone forever in a second. No Clarke, grieving alone on the other side of the Ark. Just her, the broken shell of what she had once been.

Broken glass. Broken heart. Broken skin. Broken soul.

It begun with the moonshine and then there was the empty bottle. Sitting on the cold floor, tears running down her face, she broke it by throwing it against the wall. Shards of glass flying everywhere. One, she remembers, hit her forehead and she hissed, the pain sharp but... sweet. She closed her eyes, bringing one of the bigger pieces against her thigh. Oh, who knew pain would be such a blissful feeling! She wasn't about to argue with it now. So she did it again, and again, and again. Not enough to cause permanent damage, at least not besides awful scars. But it didn't matter. Her heart was hurting enough as it was, a little more pain was just the thing that could help her now.

The sudden knock on her door startled her so bad she accidentally digged the glass a little deeper in her leg, letting out a sharp hiss that was certainly heard by whoever was on the other side of the door.

“Abby?”

Damn, she knew that voice as much as she hated it. So she didn’t say a word, the little piece of broken bottle lying next to her in the floor, the accidental deeper cut still dripping even when she tried to press her discarded shirt onto it.

“Abby, I know you’re in there, I heard you. Are you alright?” His voice seemed a little off, and she thought he might’ve been drinking like her. It’s surprising though, because after their conversation earlier in the day, she didn’t think he’d ever came looking for her again. But there he was, and the hint of concern she could hear in his voice seemed to be genuine.

But there was no way she could open the door now. For the first time in more than an hour, it dawned on her what was going on, what she was doing to herself. It was a mess, both her head and her room, everything around her. And it wouldn't do any good for anyone to discover their main doctor like this. It could get her floated, she realized with a start. And despite that, there was also this tiny part inside her head telling her to open the door and let him see her like this. Maybe he would end up alleviating her suffering for good: it's not like he had never dreamed about it.

_No,_ she thought immediately, regretting even thinking that in the first place _. Not after today._ Not after what she had discovered about Marcus Kane, hearing his story for the first time. She was so, so confused, the memories of earlier that night blurring around the edges, but the tears in his face are as clear in her mind as the Earth outside her window. Who would’ve thought Kane’s soul hadn’t already been lost forever? That he still had something worth saving in there?

“Abby?”

She tried to say something back, she really tried, but all that was leaving her throat were tiny whimpers supposed to let him know she was alright. And oh, she was failing miserably. Her chest seemed to be closing on her, and damn if she didn't recognize her symptoms, but that moment was _not_ the time. Kane was knocking again on the metal door, an edge of desperation in his voice while calling her name, but she didn't have the energy to move anymore. Abby was utterly tired and dizzy, and a thing such as standing up and opening the door felt like something she wouldn’t be able to manage in a million years. Where were her legs, her arms? She wasn't feeling them anymore. All of a sudden, only her mind was there, floating in the dark space among the stars, all bright suns and peaceful silence. She could get used to it…

“Abby!” A stronger knock, more glass digging in her skin, a curse.

She still couldn't feel her body, but it didn't matter anymore. The man kept knocking on the door, his voice now louder than before, but… Should she remember what that word he kept repeating meant? Abby wasn't sure. She was just so, so tired. So, so hurt… And after hearing that word once more, just a whisper this time, the whole world fades to black.

In the end, all there was was peace.

* * *

 

She comes back to herself little by little. First everything is dark, again, but she knows she's there, she can hear own her thoughts and realizes she's awake. There is pain too, somewhere in a body she still cannot find. Moving a limb seems like such a strange concept, and even if she were to try she would never be able to do it now. Alone once more, trapped inside her own mind, she focuses on breathing because that is all she will have in a while.

But there has to be lungs for that, her mind tells her, and bones and skin. So she puts her focus on that too, and it's not long until she becomes aware of her entire body, and everything comes crashing down on her. Fast.

The pain. The alcohol. The glass. The memories.

_Kane._

Her eyes fly open that exact moment and, as if on cue, the man that had been sitting in a chair next to her cot stands up.

Kane, indeed.

“What are you doing here?” she tries to say, but her throat is dry and she cannot manage to say a full word before he’s giving her a glass of water and helping her drink it. After a few seconds, Abby tries to speak again, but this time he shushes her before she can say much.

“Rest, Abby. Doctor’s orders,” he adds at her raised eyebrow, nodding his head towards Jackson’s office a few meters away from her cot. But she's already drifting again, darkness surrounding her, and she only has enough energy to ask a single question before she's out.

“Why are you still here?”

A beat.

“To make sure you stay here, too.”

* * *

 

The second time she wakes up, even if she doesn't remember falling asleep, her senses come back to her faster than before. But that means that so does the pain, and she can’t bit back the little cry at how bad the back of her head is hurting. Did she hit it at any point? She can’t remember either, and while she’s sure she could ask Kane…

Kane. Apparently not having left her side, ever the guard sleeping straight on his chair even when he has a bit of drool coming down his chin. She would’ve smiled had she had the energy, she knows that. Every single cell of her body aches, and yes, she did this to herself, but she hadn’t been thinking and now realizes adding alcohol into the mix made it even worse than she had expected: the memories are way more fuzzy than what they’d been the first time she woke up, and if she has to be honest, the moment when she has to ask Kane what the hell happened is what she’s dreading the most.

Or would be, if Jackson wasn’t walking towards her right now, and Abby suddenly realizes _that_ is the last thing she wants to deal with in the world.

Except she wasn’t taking into account that her sweet, sweet intern would only hug her as hard as he could and whisper a million apologies in her hair. For not being there, for not having realized, for not checking in on her after giving her those damned pills and leaving her alone…

“Oh, honey, it’s alright,” she says, crying as well, patting his shoulders with her uninjured hand. “I’m okay, it’s alright.”

Neither of them say anything for a long, long time. Jackson busies himself with checking her vitals and watching for any sign of bleeding under her bandages, while they both can hear Kane snoring lowly next to them. It’s calming enough that Abby can feel herself drifting again, first her legs, then her arms, then… She doesn’t have enough time, because Jackson is putting  a hand in her shoulder and making her look straight into his eyes.

“Promise me, Abby,” he practically begs, and Abby’s heart aches for this boy who probably thought he would be losing another mother for the second time that year the moment Kane brought her to Medical in that state.

She makes an effort and smiles, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. “I promise, honey,” she assures, more honesty in her voice than what she really means, “don’t worry, I promise, I promise.”

And if next week finds her again with a blade in her hand and fresh bandages on her thighs, then she can only be careful enough not to mix it with alcohol again. She cannot have Jackson worrying over her again, and she absolutely cannot have Kane meddling in her life because of a conversation they never actually managed to properly have.

Right now, saving her daughter and the rest of the human race is her only goal. And whether she'll recover in the meantime, only time will tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whether you are Abby, or Jackson, or Kane, seek help. Always.


End file.
